I think I died a long time ago.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
