i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
