ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
