I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
