Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
