I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
