Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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