Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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