Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
