why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
