im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
