shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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