Umm I'm too high to move.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
