do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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