Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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