Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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