So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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