He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Actions speak louder than pants.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
