garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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