Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
