I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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