I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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