So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
