My brain says no but my pants say off.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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