i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
