you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
