Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
