We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
