I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
