My sheets look like a crime scene.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
