He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
