Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
