he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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