So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
