You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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