Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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