I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
