bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
time to smoke my breakfast
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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