The maid of honor just puked.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
