Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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