Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
