I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
