you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
