just survived the first fart of the relationship.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
