my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
