I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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