I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we're chasing vodka with high fives
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
