I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
