I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
