I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
