i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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