If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
